Loving on Shawna

Hello friends!  We’ve finally gotten into some beautiful weather and it’s about time we did a photography fundraiser for Shawna!

You’re cordially invited to join me on Saturday, June 9th for a day of 20-minute mini sessions at Afton Field Farm in Corvallis.  100% of all proceeds and sales go directly to Shawna.  Plan to grab your kiddos and meets us out there!

Please call the studio to schedule your appointment: 541-749.8517.

xoxo,

Jane

Unfortunately, what should mark the end of my radiation, does not.  On May 1st I had an extensive MRI of my hip.  The next day, Wednesday, I met with my radiation doctor. She was recommending radiation to my hip as well – 10 treatments.  Arg.  She said that with my spine and hip there are structural risks of fracture by letting the cancer grow there.  So, Wednesday after my appt they whisked me away to the CAT scan simulator and were marking my body with another set of tattoos to show them how to line me up on the radiation table.  That was a tough pill to swallow.  I had barely ingested this new information when the next thing I knew, I was speaking in front of 100+ college students in Monmouth.  A little… reality check, I suppose.  Regardless of the emotional toll that day, it was a blessing to be around such a great group of kids.  Another reminder of a wonderful season passed. That night I ended up with a bad drug combo – and was practically out cold for over 24 hours.  The radiation and chemo have been accumulating and I have been feeling pretty worse for wear.  Super tired and super nauseous.  This treatment will continue through next Wednesday. 

Game plan: UGH, I’ll probably cry my way through typing this.  It’s also a little scary and confusing.  My new chemo regime will be on a 21 day cycle.  Day 1, I’ll go in for an IV dose of Oxolyplatin (major neuropothy and cold sensitivity) and Erbatux (rash all over).  On top of that, I’ll be taking the Xeloda pill (5-FU, nausea, diarrhea, etc.) on a 14 days on/ 7 days off routine.  And in 9 weeks we will re-scan to see if it hasn’t done some damage (to the cancer, not just myself). 

I have a scan coming up on the 23rd to get a baseline for this new treatment.  On the bright side, I’ll have two weeks off of everything to ‘recover’ before being hit with the next phase.  If ANYONE finds the pause button to life, will you please push it here?!?  I’ll be ‘off’ from the 17th through the 28th of May.  Doc’s still say no running or jumping, between my back, groin, and hip, I guess there’s a liability.  I have managed to walk across the street a couple times, and made it out on a few errands.  I’m SO thankful for that.  My husband swears my ‘people watching’ has intensified with this bed-rest. 

Please keep my children in your prayers.  I’m all they’ve had since they were 5 and 3, and this has taken it’s toll on their sweet souls.  They NEED God to move in and put their hearts at rest.  They need to feel his care, and know His sovereignty.  They struggle with unanswered prayer… as do we all.  They’ve been dealt a tough hand, and deserve only the best.  It’s unfair.

I guess that’s all the update for now.  It’s always darkest before the dawn, right?

One week of this chemo with radiation, down.  I have to concede that the radiation area of the new cancer center at Samaritan Hospital is quite… pleasant.  Everyone who works there is amazing.  I’ve been impressed by them all.  I was even thirty minutes late Friday (having forgotten they moved my appt up that day) and no one said a word.  I’d come and gone before I realized.  They’d just taken me back like every other time, asking about my day and taking the time to show my mom the treatment room, technology and techniques.  (The third ‘guest’ they’ve done that for on my behalf). 

I’ve taken the Xeloda pill, and had radiation every day this week.  Besides some vomiting the first day, I haven’t thrown up again.  I’ve been nauseous, and had a hard time finding food that is appetizing.  But when I come up with something, I’m able to eat.  I’m taking Tylenol three times a day for my back and groin (though my back has improved a bit), and taking anti-nausea meds regularly.  It’s probably helping.  I’ve had to get past a mental block (Its only taken me a year) against taking medication – of any type.  I’m learning that what the doctors are saying and ordering is to make me better, and I’m coming to terms with the whole thing.  I read a great book called ‘Dying to be me,’ which has helped quite a bit.  It’s given me peace about God’s greater plan.  She talks about fear.  And while God has addressed fear in a lot of areas of my life, the author took it even further to my fear of radiation and chemo.  Fear at ALL, is harmful.  I’m very thankful for that.  I’m thankful for all I’ve learned, and for the amazing facets I’ve seen to people that I’ve known for years.  There are just some things you’d never know about a person, until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes.  With one exception, I’ve been nothing but blessed.  Awed, actually. 

So… I embark on my second of three weeks of this treatment, believing the best (backed by much prayer and so much love).  In addition, when this is wrapping up, and I begin my next round of treatment – I’ll also be meeting my one year mark since diagnosis.  On Mother’s Day, actually – which happens to be the thing in my life that I’m MOST thankful for, motherhood.  It’s the day my husband made his first ‘move.’  The kids got to stay in church with us this morning.  They had both weaseled their way under each of my arms before the last songs.  We got to take communion together, and sing.  Ahhh… such love.  It pulses through my veins.  They are my heart and soul.  Every day is such a gift, every moment, even the frustrating ones ; )

Lord, thank you for the sweet souls who take time to read this nonsence.  For my amazing children, and one-of-a-kind husband.  For friends and aquaintences who take time out of their lives, to bless my family.  I’ll never understand it, but always be indebted…

Here’s to another day under the shadow of His wings, and knowing He’ll be there with a community of the world’s finest when my eyes open tomorrow.

Wow!  I have to say, since diagnosis, this has been the most EVENTFUL 48 hours! Loooooong story short – Shipped in and shipped out of emergency (without so much as an Advil-yes I asked), screamed at by a doctor, MAJOR miscommunication, a day at radiation (FABULOUS radiologist), three tattoos, a new chemo order, and SEVERAL Tylenol later… guess who’s still in bed?  Actually I’ve been up and around most of the day today (thank you visitors! I love it!).  I’m still feeling my back.  Though today I feel like the edge has come off a bit, whew!  I’ll take what I can get. 

I’m all marked and prepped for radiation to my spine (T12-L4 if you must know).  It begins Monday and will go for 3 weeks straight, M-F.  My new chemo pills should arrive by Wednesday, 2 a day for the radiation period.  Both treatments cause nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting (should be fun).  My favorite sentence from the radiation video was “… many people find radiation to be a pleasurable experience.” SAY WHAT?!?! Just out of curiosity, if you’ve ever heard someone walk out of radiation and say, “that was a pleasurable experience,” I’d love to hear about it.  For cryin’ out loud! What next? 

Thank you dear loved ones for the bounty of food, flowers, cards, visits, and gifts that have been streaming in over the past couple weeks.  God doesn’t give me any time to wonder if anyone is with me in this struggle.  I’ve never felt so loved, and I love you right back (only a little bit more).  

You’ll be the first to know when something changes.  XOXOXO 

THIS is where I've been LIVING! Couldn't have said it better myself.

Quick update

My back pain has progressed despite chiropractic, massage, and 5 DAYS on my back.  SOOOO… all 4 doctors have consulted and decided that I need to go to emergency tonight to be admitted to the hospital.  They want to get radiation started asap.   This means that infusion is cancelled for tomorrow (yay).  They’ll also switch me to a pill form of chemo (5-FU, my favorite – NOT). 

As always, several tears are followed by me putting my game face on and doing what needs to be done.  AND as usual, prayers are welcome.

All my love!  I’ll fill you in when they let me out.  (hopefully tomorrow!)

Shawna